The Originator... Yakov Smirnoff

"We have no gay people in Russia—there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it. The punishment is seven years locked in prison with other men and there is a three-year waiting list for that." - America on Six Rubles a Day; Smirnoff, Yakov; 1987

The 80's had a very fascinating place in time and a very special relationship with Pop Culture. It was the Cold War, and we were afraid of anything Red. The most amazing thing about this fear was that Pop Culture gave us an amazing look into a staple that started in 1984. It was a small film named "Moscow on the Hudson," and the man was Yakov Smirnoff. The impact was the hilarity of Eastern European/Russian Mockery Comedy, and for that we thank you.

Before Borat blew up on the scene. Before Balky Bartakamos rolled into Chi-town. We had the Originator, Yakov Smirnoff. He had a small role in Moscow and he eventually took that to the next level. He cashed in on the whole accent and beard schtick. He was everywhere back in the day: movies, HBO, MTV, all the major media outlets back in the 80's. Chest hair, gold chains, bad anecdotes, crazy Russian hats, it was all his. He made the catch phrase of the decade for all immigrants, "What a country!"

Where did it all go? As we know Borat is the new Yakov. Yakov has moved to Branson, MO and is an artist. He got his Masters from some University (Psychology). He still does some comedy, but its safe to say he's out of the comedy game, but he deserves a "good game" from all comedy fans. He has become that typical American. But he had given us a style of comedy has not waned. It has moved on. But not without him because in the end, if it wasn't for my man, I think the Cold War would still be on. Thank you, for teaching us that in Russia, well, it sucked.

So, in closing I just want to say that this shit got really old BTW. Its almost good that all that Russian crap ended when it did. Rocky 4, Moscow on the Hudson, Red Heat, Rambo 3, Russkies, Glasnost, Peristroika, The Berlin Wall, We Didn't Start the Fire, White Nights, No Way Out, Little Nikita, Scorpions' Winds of Change, etc., etc. The list can go on for freaking ever. Yeah, I think we got it. Russia was the bad guy and we kicked some ass. Yay! I'm just glad that now we moved on to making the bad guys Terrorists from the Middle East. They at least dress up like ninjas, which makes them way more villainous.

New Jack Swing: Did We Forget The Hits?

image courtesty of njs4e.com

New Jack Swing (NJS) was all the rage for me and my friends growin up. My buddys' site, Stove Capital, has a great article on NJS. Check that site often, they typically have the lowdown on whats going on in music. They got more news on whats hot on the block than that prying old lady in your bushes. Much love to the Dubs.







Back to NJS. Its amazing how awesome the tandem of Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis were. They were the precursors to P.Diddy and Timbaland. In fact, Jam and Lewis ran it harder and bigger, and better. Get them a new set of keytars and let the BBD and B2M (Boyz 2 Men) pour out the speakers.







Right now I'd like to raise a glass to NJS. Make it a round of Martini and Rossi, pass it our to my Posse and check New Jack Swing 4 Ever. Cuz Heavy D is still on it, and he ain't doin bad.







And if you don't believe my JJ&TL statement earlier, check the credits at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jimmy_Jam_and_Terry_Lewis.

Crank this...

Ok, so i'm doing my thing at work. Which includes working, passing time, surfin the net, doing physics problems; blah blah blah. I go to one of my daily sites, allhiphop.com and check out the rumors page, or what new joint has been released and guess what I'm inundated with?

Soulja Boy.

Soulja Boy, for those that don't know, is the next Tevin Campbell. First, his name is as stupid as "Tevin" and second cuz he's the next "kid" performer that seems to be running with the big boys. i.e. 50 Cent and practically all "Southern" rappers (Derrty Derrty!)

I absolutely hate this shitty ass shades-n-hat-wearin-line-steppin-back-crankin tard. He's always wearing (or werrin, depends on if you are Derrty or not) these swap meet Wayfarer knockoffs that he puts his name on. How does he put his name on them? Well, he takes what looks to be White Out and writes it on the lens part. Soulja, then Boy, Soulja Boy. He's all over YouTube teaching idiots how to do the "Soulja Boy." He's at the forefront of all this promotional hype and this was intended. Its like if I sneezed and got all sorts of green shit in my hand and marketed it with the money this kid's using, I too could shoot a video of myself "Snot Handin" it and post it for others to learn to do. I'd call myself "Snot Boy."

I seriously doubt this shit is going down in a club. How many 21+ are "crankin dat soulja boy" in the club? Very few, if not none. Its been a while since I went to the club, but I know no one was doing the Macarena. Wait... strike that, they were doing that shit.

Anyway, this kid has come out saying that his intention was to put out a song that would sweep the nation, or some shit like that. He is lovin it, cuz 30 kids at a Lions Football game all started crankin dat shit when they played the song over the speaker. I got emabarresed. Not cuz I couldn't do said crank, but I was embarressed at how retarded they all looked and how in 10 years they are gonna look back and realize they were just doing the Macarena, 50 Cent style.

First day of the blog... first day of hockey.

Today is my first shot at blogging. It is also the first day of the new NHL hockey season (for the Detroit Red Wings). Since I'm a huge Wings fan and I'm a little disappointed at the coverage hockey gets, I felt I should add a little to the season opener. So, I've been thinking about how much I hate the Anaheim Ducks. Here's a short list of why:

1)They were the Mighty Ducks from Disney. Zero credibility. Absolutely no hockey tradition. I can't respect that, no matter who is on their team.

2)Which leads to Sergei Federov. They gave Federov $10M a year and never wanted him, nor he them. It was a mutual signage between the two; they needed a name for the team, he needed out of Detroit. I'm not a Federov basher, far from it. I really like him as a player and IMHO he is one of the most amazing players to ever play the game. Gifted is the best way to summarize him. The BEST 2 way player I ever "saw" play (hold the Bobby Orr stories, I know). But he was in a downward spiral his last few years in Detroit. He needed out. But once Anaheim got him, they pretty much didn't want him, and they showed nothing to support him. At least both moved on, but they overpaid the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. That is why they get my second knock. For running a hockey team like a bunch of monkeys.

3)Pronger. Chris Pronger. F him. I hate that gumpy sack. No matter what anyone says, he's a piece of shit. Don't like him, never will. Oh, and Anaheim wanted him; glad you got him, now F you too.

4)They are in Anaheim. Don't mind Cali, myself. I have nothing against the city of Anaheim. But hockey doesn't belong there. Hey Disney; when you made the team, was it too much to put it in town north of the border? You know, where people care about hockey? Canada deserves more teams and those fans deserve to have a Cup winner. Did anyone even know in Cali that the Ducks won? Must have been the biggest news this summer. Just ahead of Lindsay Lohan's fire crotch coke rampage and Brit Spears vagina shot. But it clearly fell in between Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton's ass cheeks. Right in there, like half of "who's who" in L.A. I saw the videos.

5)Gary Bettman. F him too. Hey asshole, who gives a flakey shit about small markets in the south and Cali? YOU! You're the only one. Stop expanding hockey and improve the game you meglomaniacal ass. Its hockey, not the American Idol tour. Its your fault that Anaheim exists in the first place. Douche.

And that's the short of it. I just hope to see the Mighty Ducks get burned and never sniff another cup. GO WINGS!