Bobby Fischer: Found... Dead

Looks like they found Bobby Fischer. At least I hope they did and its not just some report of his death and he's rotting somewhere now and no one knows where. Dang, that would be a nasty smell after some time.

Which reminds me of a great sign I saw with my friends, Bryan and Jeremy, yesterday in Detroit. On Washington Blvd, on the way back from the North American International Auto Show, we passed this desolate building with a abandoned textile store. The lone sign posted behind some tinted glass read "What a Great Smell." I don't know what it was referring to, and there wasn't a restaurant near there. Hmm. Anway, I digress.

Back to Bob, I guess they have answered the question posed at the end of the movie, Searching For Bobby Fischer. I guess it wasn't such a big deal; looking for this guy. Man, I feel gipped cuz of this movie.

In conclusion, rest in peace Bob. Now its on to that great chess match in the sky, against the Supreme Ultimate Grand Champion; God. See if you can take him.

Looks like we've found the great Bobby Fischer. (Mitch Albom fans may cheer now)

Dad of the Month Awarded to...

Some Jersey dad straps his 7 year old down with tape and forces him to wear a Green Bay Packers jersey. He's been arrested for doing said act to his kid. My question is, why? Why be arrested? And what's the kid's problem?

This dude's trying to raise a winner. He's not looking raise a pu$$y. Its not like it was a Detroit Lions jersey he was puttin on his boy. Now that's grounds for child abuse, people. Check the article.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,323368,00.html

Brad Renfro: Resurrecting His Career... Too Late

wikimedia.org

Brad Renfro has passed away, of what appears to be a drug overdose. *golf clap* For those of you who don't know who Brad was, take a look at the pic above. He's the kid. Promising young acting career. A few good flicks. And then, BAM! His new friend, smack. Time to dance with Mr. Brownstone. Oh yeah!.

Brad here went on bender after bender. Getting drunk and high. Getting arrested for dope and alcohol abuse. Hit the rehab circuit, and even got tossed in jail for jackin a boat in FL with a buddy. Guess the roles weren't pourin in and he gotta get that fix, man. This is sad. Is there not a single f'ing person on watch over there? And no, not like a hired entourage pal or publicist. Someone more like, um, his mom? Dad? Family of any kind? Damn.

Ok, I'm over it. Notch another death in the "I don't give a sh!t" tragedy column. This kid hasn't gotten a headline since his last stint in the slammer. Tap a vein pal!

Now, on to a more interesting death notice. The countdown to Britney's implosion. That's one I'll be sincere about. Cuz she gots kidz.

Alexander Ovechkin: Jagr or Yashin?

onfrozenblog.com

Alexander Ovechkin is one of the dopest hockey players I've ever seen play. And I wish him luck in his career. This week he signed a record breaking $300 Billion dollar deal to play with the Washington Capitals "till the cows come home." Will he live that long?

Will he be the next Yashin or the next Jagr?

Jagr got paid something sick, like $285 million (In 1999, or sometime near there was when he signed that contract, which my todays inflation would be close to $150 billion) to play with the Caps for 96 years (maybe 97?). He got dumped by the Caps cuz he got too expensive and he's now with the Rangers. Good for him.

Yashin got paid phat too. They Islanders gave him half of Staton Island, and $50 million a year for 22 years. I ask you, how many of you have heard of Alexei Yashin? Hmm? Guess where he's at now? Yup, Siberia. Playing for the Russian National Polar Bear Team. I hear he's centering a line with Knut and putting up record numbers.

My point is niether have lived up to the potential. Jagr was going to save the Caps, who were swept in the Stanley Cup finals to Detroit in 98. They go and get Jagr in 01, and sign him to a huge deal. They end up letting him go to the Rangers in a trade because he was too costly to own. Well, I'm glad the CBA is in agreement now, its there to protect teams like the Caps who don't know how to run a business and keep them from obliterating themselves. Go Gary Bettman! Lets hope this time the Caps get it right and hold on to Ovechkin for more than 2 years, a la Jagr. Good business move guys.

Yashin was all the rage coming out of Ottawa in the 90's. He signs with the Islanders to "retarded money" for a "retardedly long time." Within the next year the Isles realized they eff'd up and tried like hell to move him. I think he eventually went to the bathroom during a game in 2005, proceeded to walk out the building, go home, pack, and leave for Russia with a reported 247 pairs of Levi's. Teammates reported his penchant for denim and the Gap. For all we know, from behind the Iron Curtain could be a Yap, Yashin's version of the Gap for the new children of Glasnost. Regardless, he's not in the NHL, and no one misses him. Money well spent.

To wrap this up, I hope Ovechkin the best. Ted Leonsis (Capitals GM) better have his head on straight. He just paid this kid enough money to buy St. Petersburg and lets hope he doesn't decide to leave the NHL to do it. Ovechkin is the kind of player worth this money, but time after time it seems more often than not, contracts of this money and length don't help the team. Leonsis wanted to avoid having Ovechkin turn 27 and be an unrestricted freee agent. Well, I think that you have to gauge player worth now and not in 6 years. If thats how you do biz Ted, would you mind mortgaging my house for me? I'm looking for that 150 year term. Shake on it?

Wait a sec, what do I care? Its not my dough. Man, I'm not deleting this sh*t now. Rant out.

The Next Best Thing to the Titter; The Bikini Bar

I love the bikini bar. I'm not talking about a skrip club. For the record, I am also a fan of the skrip clubs. Only skrip clubs tend to require a commitment. Not the bikini bar. No matter what time of day or what day of the week, you can always count me in for a trip to the bikini bar. If your hoping for the next Hooters to pop up in your town, wait! You may be missing out on the greatest little town gem this side of the millenia. Take a stroll down Plymouth Rd, in Livonia, MI. You won't be disappointed.

For those of you not familiar with the BB, I'll explain the concept (although its pretty self explanatory). The "bikini bar" is a bar where the waitstaff is dressed up in bikinis. Everyday, year round. Now, there are variation of said Bikini attire which adds to the amusement of these establishments, which I'll get into later. Regardless of what the variation is, it has never let me down. If you have never been to one of these fantastic places, or if your state or area is too prudish for such antics, I feel sorry for you. Bikini bars can save a marriage, grow friendships, feed you and entertain you all at once. They may be the sleaziest form of grace to man, but one thing is for sure. No matter what was your state of mind going in, it will always be better going out.

Here are my points in favor of the bikini bar, in no particular order:

1) Your wife/girlfriend will not be as mad if you go to the B.B. as if you went to the Titter. Unless your significant other happens to be a skripper or is bi. Even if your better half says she doesn't care if you go to the skrip (for those of you few guys lucky enough to tag that doe), believe me when every time you go and think its cool that you call her up and say, "Hey babe, me and John are heading to Tits McGee's for a brew" she's stacking those chips in her mental poker chip tray. And one day, many years from now she will cash in those chips and all hell will break loose. Count on it, nothing is free. We do after all live in a Capitalistic society. This relates to my earlier note of how this can save a marriage.

2) Even if the chicks are ugly. There's bound to be something there to amuse you or pique your interest. A set of nice tatas, a pair of long legs, long blonde hair, chicks in flip flops; something will strike your fancy.

3) Sports. Yes, typically these places are sports bars and thus have TVs and sports on all the time. ESPN-TNA. If your lucky you might find The Ocho, too.

4) Booze.

5) Golden Tee. Now this isn't a given. Its more like a 60/40 split. But if you happen to find one with GT in it. More power to ya. Cuz that BB is a step up in terms of talent and amusement, if you catch my drift. And that's a given.

6) Beer specials. Self explantory. See #4.

7) Food specials. See #6.

8) Seasonal attire. As mentioned before. This only adds to the intelligence of the owners of BBs because they know how to keep it fresh. For Christmas, you'll have Santa's Helpers. For Halloween, you can find naughty witches. And every now and again they may have a "lingerie night." Which is my fave. Never boring and always evolving. Keep me guessing and I'll keep coming back. Love it.

9) New waitstaff. New things to look at.

10) Friends like going there. And so do you. Keep those friendships alive with a common place to hang out and be guys. You nearly get your man card renewed every time you enter one of these places. And that goes for if its good or not. Here's why; if its a good BB, chicks are hot, the food is good and the tellys are abundant, you gotta place to chill and take it easy. If it happens to be a serious dive (which I should state most of BBs I've been to are dives or borderline dives, its in their nature to be) you had the balls to walk in and that gives you some courage. Soak it in tough guy, it only made you better for it.

And that's my list. BBs are tits. Try one on your next lunch break and feel like a man. The next time you pass a Hooters, you'll find yourself laughing at all those suckers in there thinking they're manning up. They're only afraid to travel on your road "Real Man Avenue," and for that they get orange pants and high beer prices. I'll take thigh highs and $2 20oz draft Bud Light. Suckers.